i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
