he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
