White coat. Heels.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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