We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
