You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
