It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
