is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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