If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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