So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
