There is no way he is gay with that hair.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
