Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
