Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
