Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
