She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
