Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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