He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
