Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
