I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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