There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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