I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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