Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
