So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
