She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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