well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
