is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
