I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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