It's just like the Real World with babies
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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