I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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