Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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