Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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