OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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