He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
