I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
