is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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