Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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