I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
