does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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