Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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