i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
