3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
