is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
