The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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