Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This toilet bowl is my home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
