Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
