uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
