you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
