Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
