The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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