Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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