end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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