R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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