i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
