i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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