and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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