This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
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Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!