i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what day is it and did you see me today?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning