Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(720): View more from Colorado

just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life

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(720): just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life http://tfl.nu/vlqm

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(474): View more from

Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.

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(474): Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now. http://tfl.nu/0awf

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room

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(267): You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room http://tfl.nu/2vn0

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(785): View more from Kansas

So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.

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(785): So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again. http://tfl.nu/nxev

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(807): View more from Ontario

If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right

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(807): If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right http://tfl.nu/lb7z

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(702): View more from Nevada

Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting

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(702): Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting http://tfl.nu/9kwe

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(864): View more from South Carolina

theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college

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(864): theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college http://tfl.nu/024s

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(206): View more from Washington

second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be

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(206): second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be http://tfl.nu/jh2s

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(613): View more from Ontario

On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?

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(613): On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it? http://tfl.nu/27yi

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...

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(215): Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge... http://tfl.nu/fr2q

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.

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(704): Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own. http://tfl.nu/ehgs

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.

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(603): FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/9ddg

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.

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(610): I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/j7oy

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.

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(215): There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut. http://tfl.nu/e6c8

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Tiny.

(402): View more from Nebraska

I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.

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(402): Tiny. (402): I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed. http://tfl.nu/6vga

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