If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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