The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
