my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the day after is always just damage control
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice