Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about