I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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