is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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