4 words: hood of his car
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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