I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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